The first thing I'd like to say to start this blog is that I sincerely apologize for not having written in a long time. I also would like to say that this post is probably going to get deep and emotional, so if you were looking for some light reading now would be the time to back out.
Let's start with the happy stuff. I love Long Beach. The weather here is incredible and I have made so many wonderful friends since I've moved here. I am currently learning my third and fourth languages, and while it is a huge challenge to try and know four languages, I am working hard to do it. For those of you who do not know, I know English and Spanish already (my Spanish isn't perfect, but I feel pretty confident with it), but now I am learning German, which is extremely difficult and definitely the hardest language yet, and I am learning Italian, which I'm actually picking up fairly easily because of my knowledge of Spanish. I also have been doing really well in physical therapy. Just to give you all an example, in the time from the beginning of last semester to the end of last semester I more than doubled my walking time and distance. I also have regained some mobility in my left foot that I did not have before- hooray for nerves reconnecting! I also have some pretty sexy arm muscles now, but enough bragging about myself.
Now for the less than wonderful things that have been happening in my life. Since I have started this semester I have been on and off sick. First I had anxiety for a week, then I had a cold for a few weeks, then I had an ear infection which was caused by the cold, and then I got a bladder infection. The woman who informed me of my bladder infection gave me bad news and said that the bacteria in my bladder is resistant to nearly all antibiotics except IV antibiotics. So naturally, I freaked out and thought that meant it was some kind of super bacteria that would kill me. Turns out, that lady, who apparently is not even a doctor but is some kind of assistant, did not know what she was talking about and terrified me for no reason. So I took some antibiotics and now I no longer have a bladder infection! Being sick has made my anxiety worse, and to top it off I got to add heartbreak to the mix, so I have been EMOTIONAL.
I don't know if many of you know, but I used to have pretty bad depression in high school, which I would mask with fake smiles and fake happiness. Interestingly enough, the thing that made me get out of my depression was my paralysis, because it made me realize how valuable my life is and that I do not want to waste it being sad all the time. Even though I have been dealing with some tough things lately, I am so proud to say that I have not gone back to that place. Sometimes it feels like it would be easier to just slip back into it, but I have been pushing through. Even though sometimes it feels like the world is falling apart around me I can honestly say I am still happy. Yes, things suck sometimes, and I have been crying a lot more lately, but there is no shame in that. I feel so much happier when I allow myself to feel all of my emotions, be they good or bad. No matter what though, for my own sanity, I try to always see the bright side of things.
Through all of this I have realized how lucky I am to be surrounded by such amazing, supportive people. I wish I could hug all of you. I have the most amazing family and friends both here in Long Beach and back home. To my roommate Maria, if you are reading this, I love you so much, and thank you for being my family here, because I have no idea what I would do without you. And to everyone else, thank you for continuously being there for me and loving me for all that I am. I am not perfect, and I have a lot that I have to deal with on a regular basis, and I am so lucky to have such incredible people in my life.
I have so many things I want to share with you all about my life, but in truth it is hard to be vulnerable and let people see exactly how you are feeling. However, I will share as much as I possibly can with you because I like letting you into my daily life and because it's actually quite therapeutic to write.
Until my next blog, I love you all so much.
