Yet another month has passed since I last wrote, and it was a pretty rough one. It was so rough in fact, that I may have to do multiple posts just to catch you up on everything. This post will focus on my health, and how I keep getting sick (I may even be slightly sick now with a very mild cold, but it also may just be a runny nose). As always, I like to keep it real, so there may be a couple of pieces of information in this blog that may be TMI for the average person, but those things are just normal parts of my life, so therefore I will write about them anyway.
For starters, I ended up with a nasty cold, only a couple weeks after my throat infection. The cold also caused a slight fever, so I had to go to the doctor. I was coughing constantly to the point of gagging, and eventually after a few days I was actually physically sore from coughing so much. Part of the issue for me, is that I still don't have very great lung strength since my paralysis, so it is very hard for me to cough things up, which then causes phlegm to get stuck and make breathing hard, and is completely miserable. I also lost my voice, and I had a huge presentation due the same week. Thankfully my voice came back just in time for the presentation, and by some miracle I didn't have a coughing fit during it.
There was however, a really awkward (and also hilarious for me) moment after my presentation, when people were giving feedback. I should mention that before my partner and I started, our professor said that my partner should sit so that she and I were both at the same level. Afterward, when people were giving feedback, one guy says (I kid you not) that next time we should stand up. Everyone in the room got so quiet, perhaps from utter disbelief, until my professor said something to him about how I couldn't because I'm in a wheelchair and then there was some awkward laughter. I honestly think he was just meaning that my partner should stand, but it just came out so wrong and made him look like a complete asshole. I'm not sure why, but the incident was really funny to me.
Anyway, my cold finally went away, and I was super happy about it because I could actually hang out with my friends, which I really needed because I was starting to get a little bit depressed. I also I had a trip to Berlin with my study abroad program coming up that I was extremely excited about, so things seemed like they were finally going to be getting better. I could not have been more wrong.
Here comes the TMI. I was in the middle of class, when we had a ten minute break. As usual, I used the break to chat with my friends, check social media, and then go pee. What do I notice? I am peeing blood. I don't care how many times I have had it happen, it always scares me when blood comes from places it shouldn't. I immediately panicked thinking it was obviously a UTI, and I told my professor that I had to leave to go to the doctor.
I must say, I am proud of myself, because I got myself, terrified and alone, on the bus, all the way to the emergency room. It was dark and freezing cold, and for some reason there weren't really any clear signs for how to actually figure out which building I needed to go to, but eventually after following some ambulance lights I found my way. It was a four hour wait for some antibiotics and testing, and all I could do was hope that whatever bacteria it was, was not super resistant to antibiotics like previous UTI's I had had. I would hear back in three days if I needed to change antibiotics, and my Berlin trip was in two. For some reason, even with the antibiotics, the bleeding kept coming back. I finally realized that Berlin was not going to happen for me, and I cried possibly more than I ever had before. I was not only upset about the trip, but about my body and my paralysis, and I really hit a low point.
Flash forward to now, a little over a week later. The bleeding continued day after day, so I went back to the doctor. They are running more tests, but I think we finally found out the issue. It may have not been a UTI at all, but rather the new brand of catheters that I have been using here. The ones I use in the U.S. are polished, so I don't use lubricant with them, but the ones here are not polished. The idea is that the catheters may have irritated my bladder or somehow caused a cut or something. The issue is, how do you let it heal when you have to keep catheterizing? Well, what seems to be working right now, was a simple fix- lubricant. The only issue was that they didn't have any on hand, so the doctor said I could use pretty much any basic kind, so I had to buy it from the ~intimate section~ if you know what I mean. I am pretty comfortable with my body and talking about it (I mean obviously you can see that with this post), but I have to say I was a little bit uncomfortable asking where the lube was, especially in german.
I am still recovering mentally from all of the stress, and also there have been some lingering feelings of depression that have come and gone, but overall things are looking up. I just try to remind myself that there is always a bright side to even the darkest of situations. Also, I think it helps a lot to be able to laugh at yourself (I had to buy freaking lube!!), and to know that things will always get better. Plus, I have some pretty great friends here who are super supportive, so they help me stay positive too.
Sunday, December 2, 2018
Tuesday, October 30, 2018
German Hospitals and Anxiety!
It has been a month since I have written. So what the hell exactly happened? I actually wrote a blog but never posted it for some reason. Likely because it didn't feel finished, and life got in the way. What I mean by that is that since my last post, a LOT has happened. I have gone to some cool places, I've had guy problems, I have made a ridiculous amount of new friends, whom I can barely keep track of, and oh right, I got sick for a week with a really bad throat infection and had to spend the night in the hospital since my fever wouldn't go down. Then I started class and had a bunch of issues with registration, because I was supposed to have help with it, but then I got sick when I was supposed to receive that help, and then it was all very confusing.
So let's start with cool places. I went to the Cannstater Volksfest (similar to Oktoberfest, and during the same time) in Stuttgart, and had the time of my life. I was so exhausted and freezing cold by the end of the day, and my body was very sore, but it was totally worth it. I went on a couple rides, and one was so fast that all of us agreed it was not very pleasant. I literally got bruises from being thrown around on the ride, but it was an experience nonetheless. When it ended, one of the workers had to lift me out of the seat and carry me off the ride because I was so dizzy. It was actually kind of hilarious. I also went to the Ritter Sport museum in Waldenbuch, which is a chocolate factory/museum. I bought way too much chocolate, and the museum was actually closed, but there was still a pretty interesting exhibition that my friends and I got to see.
Now, about the hospital. Based on this one experience, I'm going to say that German hospitals are amazing. They are so clean and the workers are all super nice. I also was seen by a doctor almost immediately which is very different from the time I waited like eight hours to see a doctor in Long Beach (I am not even kidding). They also were able to finally get my fever to stay down with a magical medication called Novalgin, which as it turns out, is banned in the US. I must say, I felt kind of like a badass taking it. I also had this crazy nurse while I was there, and she kept telling me all this stuff about my paralysis, which to be quite honest was borderline offensive. Just a tip- don't tell people with paralysis that you know what will heal them, because Jesus hasn't fixed me yet, and he's not going to fix me over night, and your magical diet pills ARE NOT MAGIC. I have heard it all too many times, and it's just rude, so don't do it.
Anyway, now you can hear about my guy problems, because I am an open book, and honestly nobody is gonna judge me harder that I will, so why not write about them? Of course me being a typical 21 year old I am frequently on the prowl. I should add that before I came here I basically spent the last two years enjoying my singleness, and pretty much avoiding men altogether. I think it was great for me, because, first of all, my last relationship was really horrible, and I just needed to get over it and work on my anxiety and depression. Secondly, that time really gave me a lot of confidence to do things alone, and I have to say, when you aren't constantly worrying about looking cute for other people or trying to impress others, you get to do that stuff for yourself, and be who you want to be. However, I finally decided it was time for me to get back into the dating game, and what better place to do that than in another country?
Well, I have met a few awesome (and very cute) guys, and also have had to shut down a lot of other creepy ones. Drunk guys in bars can be so annoying. I had this plan to just be casual and have fun while I am here, and it was working for awhile. I've kissed a few guys so far (making out is fun, and I am convinced that anyone who thinks otherwise is just doing it wrong), but then of course I met a really nice one who I actually like, so I think I'm gonna see where that goes.
But I mentioned guy problems before, so let me explain that. I guess the main problem I have been having is confidence. It's strange because generally I think I am a pretty confident person, but for some reason when it comes to dating, all my confidence just goes out the window. I also still apparently have really bad dating anxiety. For example, I invited my friends over to my apartment the other day, and the guy I like was the first one to show up. I weirdly started to panic, which basically makes me get really quiet and get kinda sick to my stomach, and it also makes me feel like I can't breathe normally. I'm not sure why it happens, but luckily my friends showed up pretty soon after, and then I calmed down after a bit. Also, according to my friend it isn't that noticeable, which is good. Having anxiety is not easy, and I don't usually share with that many people just how bad my anxiety can get, but I'm glad I am writing about it, because maybe someone else will see this and realize they aren't alone.
So while I am at it, I may as well mention that sometimes I have panic attacks, and get very anxious about dying, or not being able to breathe. Some of it is PTSD-driven I think. Some of it is caused by the knowledge that some of the medications I take could potentially kill me if I were to develop certain side effects. I worry about UTI's and having a relapse which makes my paralysis worse. I've always had anxiety, pre- and post- Transverse Myelitis, but I think over the years I have learned better ways to cope with it and prevent panic attacks. One thing that has really helped me is knowing that so many other people also deal with things like this. Because the thing is, it really makes you feel like you are crazy, and completely alone, but in reality so many people have anxiety, it's just that not everyone talks about it.
Anywhoodle my noodle, this post has taken a bit of a turn, and I could say so much more, but I think I will end it here. I will also tell you about my classes in the next post, because I don't actually start one of them until next week. Until next time, you beautiful humans.
So let's start with cool places. I went to the Cannstater Volksfest (similar to Oktoberfest, and during the same time) in Stuttgart, and had the time of my life. I was so exhausted and freezing cold by the end of the day, and my body was very sore, but it was totally worth it. I went on a couple rides, and one was so fast that all of us agreed it was not very pleasant. I literally got bruises from being thrown around on the ride, but it was an experience nonetheless. When it ended, one of the workers had to lift me out of the seat and carry me off the ride because I was so dizzy. It was actually kind of hilarious. I also went to the Ritter Sport museum in Waldenbuch, which is a chocolate factory/museum. I bought way too much chocolate, and the museum was actually closed, but there was still a pretty interesting exhibition that my friends and I got to see.
Now, about the hospital. Based on this one experience, I'm going to say that German hospitals are amazing. They are so clean and the workers are all super nice. I also was seen by a doctor almost immediately which is very different from the time I waited like eight hours to see a doctor in Long Beach (I am not even kidding). They also were able to finally get my fever to stay down with a magical medication called Novalgin, which as it turns out, is banned in the US. I must say, I felt kind of like a badass taking it. I also had this crazy nurse while I was there, and she kept telling me all this stuff about my paralysis, which to be quite honest was borderline offensive. Just a tip- don't tell people with paralysis that you know what will heal them, because Jesus hasn't fixed me yet, and he's not going to fix me over night, and your magical diet pills ARE NOT MAGIC. I have heard it all too many times, and it's just rude, so don't do it.
Anyway, now you can hear about my guy problems, because I am an open book, and honestly nobody is gonna judge me harder that I will, so why not write about them? Of course me being a typical 21 year old I am frequently on the prowl. I should add that before I came here I basically spent the last two years enjoying my singleness, and pretty much avoiding men altogether. I think it was great for me, because, first of all, my last relationship was really horrible, and I just needed to get over it and work on my anxiety and depression. Secondly, that time really gave me a lot of confidence to do things alone, and I have to say, when you aren't constantly worrying about looking cute for other people or trying to impress others, you get to do that stuff for yourself, and be who you want to be. However, I finally decided it was time for me to get back into the dating game, and what better place to do that than in another country?
Well, I have met a few awesome (and very cute) guys, and also have had to shut down a lot of other creepy ones. Drunk guys in bars can be so annoying. I had this plan to just be casual and have fun while I am here, and it was working for awhile. I've kissed a few guys so far (making out is fun, and I am convinced that anyone who thinks otherwise is just doing it wrong), but then of course I met a really nice one who I actually like, so I think I'm gonna see where that goes.
But I mentioned guy problems before, so let me explain that. I guess the main problem I have been having is confidence. It's strange because generally I think I am a pretty confident person, but for some reason when it comes to dating, all my confidence just goes out the window. I also still apparently have really bad dating anxiety. For example, I invited my friends over to my apartment the other day, and the guy I like was the first one to show up. I weirdly started to panic, which basically makes me get really quiet and get kinda sick to my stomach, and it also makes me feel like I can't breathe normally. I'm not sure why it happens, but luckily my friends showed up pretty soon after, and then I calmed down after a bit. Also, according to my friend it isn't that noticeable, which is good. Having anxiety is not easy, and I don't usually share with that many people just how bad my anxiety can get, but I'm glad I am writing about it, because maybe someone else will see this and realize they aren't alone.
So while I am at it, I may as well mention that sometimes I have panic attacks, and get very anxious about dying, or not being able to breathe. Some of it is PTSD-driven I think. Some of it is caused by the knowledge that some of the medications I take could potentially kill me if I were to develop certain side effects. I worry about UTI's and having a relapse which makes my paralysis worse. I've always had anxiety, pre- and post- Transverse Myelitis, but I think over the years I have learned better ways to cope with it and prevent panic attacks. One thing that has really helped me is knowing that so many other people also deal with things like this. Because the thing is, it really makes you feel like you are crazy, and completely alone, but in reality so many people have anxiety, it's just that not everyone talks about it.
Anywhoodle my noodle, this post has taken a bit of a turn, and I could say so much more, but I think I will end it here. I will also tell you about my classes in the next post, because I don't actually start one of them until next week. Until next time, you beautiful humans.
Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Things That Happened: Part Two
I know I said that I would write two parts about the last couple weeks, but as it turns out, I am going to have to write three, because I absolutely cannot condense everything else that I want to say in this post.
On Wednesday (the 19th), after two whole weeks of showering in cold water, my shower was finally fixed by the Hausmeister, and I was able to take a warm shower. Two weeks of cold showers was not a fun time. The next day my friend, Keera (also from California) and I went to the little hippie market and bought some cheese and fruits. I ate some for dinner, because I wasn't feeling very well, and didn't want to have a heavy meal. I actually have been feeling a little unwell from time to time all week. I have nausea that comes and goes, and it makes me feel awful.
Luckily by Friday I was feeling a bit better, because my Startkurs (the preparatory language course I am in) went on a trip to the Bodensee, which was two hours away! We visited a church first, and then later went to a museum called Pfahlbautenmuseum Unteruhldingen (try saying that twice!). The best way to describe the museum is by comparing it to those little huts with thatched roofs that you find in places like Bora Bora, that are right on the water. Except they are German, and really really old. I also should mention that I spent most of the trip with the tutors, because they were helping me get around some of the inaccesible places that we went to. It was really fun being with them too, because I love being able to speak German with native speakers, because it just helps so much.
Later that day, we went to Meersburg and had some free time, so my friends and I decided to get lunch together. I had fish and chips at an imbiss, and they were playing Matisyahu in the background, so I knew we were at a good place. After that we took a ferry to Konstanz.
Konstanz was AMAZING. I kept telling myself that there must be some place in Europe where all the wheelchair users moved to, because I rarely ever see anyone else in a chair, and I think Konstanz is the place! I saw at least six other people there using wheelchairs, and practically every place was accessible. I was so happy about the accessibility that Konstanz might be my new favourite place in Germany. It was so nice to be able to get inside almost any building I wanted to without needing help. I miss that about the United States. The American Disabilities Act is so important. I think every country should get on board with that and make all spaces accessible. I should not be left out or unable to experience something just because my body decided it would be fun to attack itself. I should have equal opportunities.
Anyway, before I get side tracked and go on a long rant about why accessibility is important (which, by the way, I will never stop advocating for myself and for others with disabilities), let me get back to my story. In Konstanz, Abby and I went to a gigantic cathedral, and afterward we got hot cocoa in a small café. It started raining, so we decided not to go anywhere else, until finally it was time for us to meet up with the rest of the group for dinner.
After that, we all piled in the bus for our two hour ride back, and I had a very interesting conversation with the guy I was sitting next to. It's kind of hard to explain all of the details, but I'll just say that I don't think he is used to being around strong women who are willing to speak out when someone is being sexist or homophobic etc. We didn't argue or anything, but he definitely said some things that made me realize that our cultures are very different. Also, I tend to make jokes/comments a lot about checking out hot guys when I am with my friends (I mean what is wrong with noticing someone's beauty? It's not like I am harassing people), and since he was with us he got to hear them. Get this, he said that I am NAUGHTY for talking about hot guys a lot. I wasn't even being weird, I literally would just say things to the other women like, "oh did you see that hot guy?" or joke and say that I was going to find myself a hot german man (which may not actually be a joke). I just don't understand why men can literally sleep with a different person every night and nobody bats an eyelash, but if a woman starts talking about a bunch of different hot guys then she is "promiscuous" or "naughty." It's such a double standard and people need to change that.
All I can say is whether I am a naughty woman or a nasty woman, it doesn't matter, because I am an empowered woman who doesn't care if men want to judge me for being me. Let your freak flag fly. And on that note, I think this post is done, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out all the actual naughty things I've done lately (drinking? What's that?).
On Wednesday (the 19th), after two whole weeks of showering in cold water, my shower was finally fixed by the Hausmeister, and I was able to take a warm shower. Two weeks of cold showers was not a fun time. The next day my friend, Keera (also from California) and I went to the little hippie market and bought some cheese and fruits. I ate some for dinner, because I wasn't feeling very well, and didn't want to have a heavy meal. I actually have been feeling a little unwell from time to time all week. I have nausea that comes and goes, and it makes me feel awful.
Luckily by Friday I was feeling a bit better, because my Startkurs (the preparatory language course I am in) went on a trip to the Bodensee, which was two hours away! We visited a church first, and then later went to a museum called Pfahlbautenmuseum Unteruhldingen (try saying that twice!). The best way to describe the museum is by comparing it to those little huts with thatched roofs that you find in places like Bora Bora, that are right on the water. Except they are German, and really really old. I also should mention that I spent most of the trip with the tutors, because they were helping me get around some of the inaccesible places that we went to. It was really fun being with them too, because I love being able to speak German with native speakers, because it just helps so much.
Later that day, we went to Meersburg and had some free time, so my friends and I decided to get lunch together. I had fish and chips at an imbiss, and they were playing Matisyahu in the background, so I knew we were at a good place. After that we took a ferry to Konstanz.
Konstanz was AMAZING. I kept telling myself that there must be some place in Europe where all the wheelchair users moved to, because I rarely ever see anyone else in a chair, and I think Konstanz is the place! I saw at least six other people there using wheelchairs, and practically every place was accessible. I was so happy about the accessibility that Konstanz might be my new favourite place in Germany. It was so nice to be able to get inside almost any building I wanted to without needing help. I miss that about the United States. The American Disabilities Act is so important. I think every country should get on board with that and make all spaces accessible. I should not be left out or unable to experience something just because my body decided it would be fun to attack itself. I should have equal opportunities.
Anyway, before I get side tracked and go on a long rant about why accessibility is important (which, by the way, I will never stop advocating for myself and for others with disabilities), let me get back to my story. In Konstanz, Abby and I went to a gigantic cathedral, and afterward we got hot cocoa in a small café. It started raining, so we decided not to go anywhere else, until finally it was time for us to meet up with the rest of the group for dinner.
After that, we all piled in the bus for our two hour ride back, and I had a very interesting conversation with the guy I was sitting next to. It's kind of hard to explain all of the details, but I'll just say that I don't think he is used to being around strong women who are willing to speak out when someone is being sexist or homophobic etc. We didn't argue or anything, but he definitely said some things that made me realize that our cultures are very different. Also, I tend to make jokes/comments a lot about checking out hot guys when I am with my friends (I mean what is wrong with noticing someone's beauty? It's not like I am harassing people), and since he was with us he got to hear them. Get this, he said that I am NAUGHTY for talking about hot guys a lot. I wasn't even being weird, I literally would just say things to the other women like, "oh did you see that hot guy?" or joke and say that I was going to find myself a hot german man (which may not actually be a joke). I just don't understand why men can literally sleep with a different person every night and nobody bats an eyelash, but if a woman starts talking about a bunch of different hot guys then she is "promiscuous" or "naughty." It's such a double standard and people need to change that.
All I can say is whether I am a naughty woman or a nasty woman, it doesn't matter, because I am an empowered woman who doesn't care if men want to judge me for being me. Let your freak flag fly. And on that note, I think this post is done, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out all the actual naughty things I've done lately (drinking? What's that?).
Tuesday, September 25, 2018
Things That Happened: Part One
A lot has happened in the last two weeks. Because of this, I think I will write two separate posts to cover everything. I wanted to write last week, but I got extremely busy, and decided I would rather get some rest instead of trying to write a long post, but today I have time! So this is my part 1 (things that happened Sep. 12-18):
First of all, I went to this amazing Monastery in Bebenhausen. It was extremely old, and very beautiful, and there was a cute little market nearby where my friends and I purchased some fresh fruit. That was my first big historical excursion, and it was accessible! Unfortunately it was not 100% accessible, so I couldn't get everywhere, but I was able to go to the main areas, which were breathtaking.
That Friday (the 14th), I went to an international dinner. It was potluck-style, and everyone brought dishes from their home country. My friend Abby, who is from Oregon, and I made a pastry in the shape of the American flag. We weren't sure what to cook, but we figured, what was more American than the flag? The dinner was great, and our dish was a hit (although personally, I thought the other dishes were tastier).
The following day was even better. Abby and I decided to go to the Altstadt for dinner, and it just so happened that there was this Italian/French market going on, which we had completely forgotten about. We decided we would explore all the booths, and we ended up splitting this huge plate of bruschetta. However, we didn't have a table, so Abby sat on a step and we used my lap as a table. A lot of people stared, but one woman told us we were creative, and she gave us free cheese! It was so fun. After that, we decided to get some churros and some really thick hot cocoa to dip them in. Honestly, I am still dreaming about the churro-cocoa combo to this day, because it was one of the best things I have ever eaten.
I also went back to the market the next day with my buddy, Aysel, and her grandma and mom. They were so sweet, and they even took me to a little Mexican restaurant beforehand for lunch. I would call it more Tex-Mex, but it was actually pretty good for being in Germany. There also happened to be a marathon that day, which really made life hard, because all of the buses had to change their routes, so I could only get to my dorm from the bus stop at the Hauptbahnhof (where the train station is), so it took me quite a while to get back to my room at the end of the day.
The last day was kind of a rocky one. I was in a really bad mood, because it felt like everything was going wrong, but it ended on a good note. What happened was that Abby and I went to try currywurst, and let me tell you, it was the curryWORST. To everyone that told me it tasted different than just ketchup and curry powder on a hot dog, politely PISS OFF you liars. It was the most atrocious thing I have ever tasted. Apparently a lot of my friends like it, but it is absolutely not for me. After that, Abby and I got gelato to cleanse our palates, and as it turns out, no food is allowed on the bus, and before I could tell Abby that we should just finish our gelato and wait for a different bus, she had already thrown it away. Needless to say, I was bummed.
Later I had to get to my first German doctor's appointment. It was not easy to get to, but I ended up learning that there was actually a very close bus stop, so it was easy for me to get home. The doctor was very nice and spoke perfect English, which made me feel a lot better, because I was very nervous that something would get mixed up if I tried explaining things in German. It took some time, but he was able to find the medication I needed, and I finally got a prescription. There also was a very cute little hippie market right next door to the Apotheke (pharmacy), which I explored. In the end I felt accomplished, and it made me feel a lot better.
There have been a lot of challenges for me here in Germany, but I am continually showing myself that I am stronger than I ever thought, and that I can always push through (no pun intended). Now you will have to wait for part two to find out what I did this last week (spoiler, it was possibly the most fun week ever)!
First of all, I went to this amazing Monastery in Bebenhausen. It was extremely old, and very beautiful, and there was a cute little market nearby where my friends and I purchased some fresh fruit. That was my first big historical excursion, and it was accessible! Unfortunately it was not 100% accessible, so I couldn't get everywhere, but I was able to go to the main areas, which were breathtaking.
That Friday (the 14th), I went to an international dinner. It was potluck-style, and everyone brought dishes from their home country. My friend Abby, who is from Oregon, and I made a pastry in the shape of the American flag. We weren't sure what to cook, but we figured, what was more American than the flag? The dinner was great, and our dish was a hit (although personally, I thought the other dishes were tastier).
The following day was even better. Abby and I decided to go to the Altstadt for dinner, and it just so happened that there was this Italian/French market going on, which we had completely forgotten about. We decided we would explore all the booths, and we ended up splitting this huge plate of bruschetta. However, we didn't have a table, so Abby sat on a step and we used my lap as a table. A lot of people stared, but one woman told us we were creative, and she gave us free cheese! It was so fun. After that, we decided to get some churros and some really thick hot cocoa to dip them in. Honestly, I am still dreaming about the churro-cocoa combo to this day, because it was one of the best things I have ever eaten.
I also went back to the market the next day with my buddy, Aysel, and her grandma and mom. They were so sweet, and they even took me to a little Mexican restaurant beforehand for lunch. I would call it more Tex-Mex, but it was actually pretty good for being in Germany. There also happened to be a marathon that day, which really made life hard, because all of the buses had to change their routes, so I could only get to my dorm from the bus stop at the Hauptbahnhof (where the train station is), so it took me quite a while to get back to my room at the end of the day.
The last day was kind of a rocky one. I was in a really bad mood, because it felt like everything was going wrong, but it ended on a good note. What happened was that Abby and I went to try currywurst, and let me tell you, it was the curryWORST. To everyone that told me it tasted different than just ketchup and curry powder on a hot dog, politely PISS OFF you liars. It was the most atrocious thing I have ever tasted. Apparently a lot of my friends like it, but it is absolutely not for me. After that, Abby and I got gelato to cleanse our palates, and as it turns out, no food is allowed on the bus, and before I could tell Abby that we should just finish our gelato and wait for a different bus, she had already thrown it away. Needless to say, I was bummed.
Later I had to get to my first German doctor's appointment. It was not easy to get to, but I ended up learning that there was actually a very close bus stop, so it was easy for me to get home. The doctor was very nice and spoke perfect English, which made me feel a lot better, because I was very nervous that something would get mixed up if I tried explaining things in German. It took some time, but he was able to find the medication I needed, and I finally got a prescription. There also was a very cute little hippie market right next door to the Apotheke (pharmacy), which I explored. In the end I felt accomplished, and it made me feel a lot better.
There have been a lot of challenges for me here in Germany, but I am continually showing myself that I am stronger than I ever thought, and that I can always push through (no pun intended). Now you will have to wait for part two to find out what I did this last week (spoiler, it was possibly the most fun week ever)!
Tuesday, September 11, 2018
The Germany Blog Post
Here we are. The post you've all been waiting for. The post that at least 20 people have asked me to write: The Germany Blog Post. As always, I promise to keep it real, so be prepared to read about happy and sad times.
I have been in Germany for ten full days now. I arrived to Frankfurt the Sunday before last with my aunt and uncle. That night we had great german food, and got to see a bit of the town. Accessibility was okay, but not great, but I didn't worry, as I wasn't staying in Frankfurt for long. The next day we drove all the way to Tübingen, which is about a two hour drive, but it took us about three, because we accidentally took a wrong turn or two (thanks to not having very great cell service for maps). Nonetheless, we arrived in my new city, and were able to do a little tour of my dorm area. I should mention that at this point my brain was like- OH SHIT THIS IS SO INACCESSIBLE THERE IS NO WAY- because my dorm is on a giant hill. Also unfortunately, something I ate didn't agree with me, so I had horrible abdominal cramping all day and was pretty miserable, so once we got to our Airbnb I almost immediately went to sleep. It was not a great day. Luckily, the next day I felt much better.
The next day, I got the keys to my apartment and we did a whole lotta shopping! I needed a lot of things, because at first my apartment honestly felt like a prison cell. It's basically all concrete and there is very little furniture, so I had to get some things to spice up the place. Also, despite being told it would be furnished, my room did not have all the things necessary for survival. I had to buy dishes and pans and then of course all the other typical dorm things like blankets and towels, but finally after almost a whole day of shopping, my aunt and uncle and I were able to make my apartment feel much more like a home. I also got the grand tour of the dorm area, and realized that it was much easier to get to the bus stop than we had thought, so I felt much better about everything and was no longer feeling as intimidated.
The following day (Wednesday) I had orientation and said goodbye to my aunt and uncle, and it was my first night alone in Germany. I got a tour of the main part of town during orientation and it made me feel concerned, but I also got to see that the city is really beautiful. It was a long day, and I was exhausted, but I felt okay about everything.
On Thursday my buddy Aysel (if you are reading this, hi!!), a student from the University of Tübingen, showed me where my classes would be and helped me set up my phone. Hanging out with her was awesome, because she is super nice, and it made me feel a bit better about getting around on my own. The next few days I spent grocery shopping and hanging out in my room watching Netflix and processing everything that had happened over the previous couple of days. I processed too much.
I thought about how the prettiest part of town is the older part, which of course is less accessible and extremely hilly. I thought I wouldn't be able to get there at all if I was alone and it made me very sad. I cried for awhile, because this was the first time in my four and a half years of paralysis where I actually felt defeated by my disability (because how could I live here and not be able to go to the best part of town?). Ever since I have become paralyzed, I have known that things would not come easy to me, but I always felt anything was possible. But I realized that the world as a whole needs to improve its accessibility tenfold (a millionfold!), because I (or any other person with a disability) should never have to feel like we don't belong somewhere or like we aren't welcome, or like something is impossible. I hit a low point. I wanted to go home and I was so upset with myself for being paralyzed (which yes, I know I had no control over it, but it's just how I felt). I cried a lot, and I really worried I wouldn't be able to stay for a whole year.
-Cut to yesterday and today.-
I have had the greatest last two days. I have made friends and traveled around the city a ton, and I learned that it actually is possible for me to get around the old part of town without help, as long as I take a specific route. The old town is absolutely gorgeous, and I am extremely happy I can go there, because I will definitely be frequenting it. My friend Keera and I went around and we got gelato and döner kebabs, which are amazing, and we went to a few different little stores. We also just sat a few times to admire the area and chat. The last two days proved to me that whatever happens this year, I can figure it out. Granted, my arms are hella sore, mostly from slowing myself down when going downhill, so I will probably be ripped when I get back to the US.
Overall, even though I had a rough start, I am finally learning that I really can do anything I put my mind to, and I am proud of myself for facing things that seem terrifying and impossible. I am looking forward to whatever happens this year, and I really hope that I can take the information I learn here and share it with other people. Hopefully, sharing my experiences will allow others to become more aware of the inaccessibility of the world, and hopefully it will inspire them to also help push for change. I also hope to inspire other wheelchair users to not be afraid to do something like this, and to go completely out of their comfort zone. But for now, I am going to just live it and try to write about it as best as I can. Until my next post! Tschüss!
I have been in Germany for ten full days now. I arrived to Frankfurt the Sunday before last with my aunt and uncle. That night we had great german food, and got to see a bit of the town. Accessibility was okay, but not great, but I didn't worry, as I wasn't staying in Frankfurt for long. The next day we drove all the way to Tübingen, which is about a two hour drive, but it took us about three, because we accidentally took a wrong turn or two (thanks to not having very great cell service for maps). Nonetheless, we arrived in my new city, and were able to do a little tour of my dorm area. I should mention that at this point my brain was like- OH SHIT THIS IS SO INACCESSIBLE THERE IS NO WAY- because my dorm is on a giant hill. Also unfortunately, something I ate didn't agree with me, so I had horrible abdominal cramping all day and was pretty miserable, so once we got to our Airbnb I almost immediately went to sleep. It was not a great day. Luckily, the next day I felt much better.
The next day, I got the keys to my apartment and we did a whole lotta shopping! I needed a lot of things, because at first my apartment honestly felt like a prison cell. It's basically all concrete and there is very little furniture, so I had to get some things to spice up the place. Also, despite being told it would be furnished, my room did not have all the things necessary for survival. I had to buy dishes and pans and then of course all the other typical dorm things like blankets and towels, but finally after almost a whole day of shopping, my aunt and uncle and I were able to make my apartment feel much more like a home. I also got the grand tour of the dorm area, and realized that it was much easier to get to the bus stop than we had thought, so I felt much better about everything and was no longer feeling as intimidated.
The following day (Wednesday) I had orientation and said goodbye to my aunt and uncle, and it was my first night alone in Germany. I got a tour of the main part of town during orientation and it made me feel concerned, but I also got to see that the city is really beautiful. It was a long day, and I was exhausted, but I felt okay about everything.
On Thursday my buddy Aysel (if you are reading this, hi!!), a student from the University of Tübingen, showed me where my classes would be and helped me set up my phone. Hanging out with her was awesome, because she is super nice, and it made me feel a bit better about getting around on my own. The next few days I spent grocery shopping and hanging out in my room watching Netflix and processing everything that had happened over the previous couple of days. I processed too much.
I thought about how the prettiest part of town is the older part, which of course is less accessible and extremely hilly. I thought I wouldn't be able to get there at all if I was alone and it made me very sad. I cried for awhile, because this was the first time in my four and a half years of paralysis where I actually felt defeated by my disability (because how could I live here and not be able to go to the best part of town?). Ever since I have become paralyzed, I have known that things would not come easy to me, but I always felt anything was possible. But I realized that the world as a whole needs to improve its accessibility tenfold (a millionfold!), because I (or any other person with a disability) should never have to feel like we don't belong somewhere or like we aren't welcome, or like something is impossible. I hit a low point. I wanted to go home and I was so upset with myself for being paralyzed (which yes, I know I had no control over it, but it's just how I felt). I cried a lot, and I really worried I wouldn't be able to stay for a whole year.
-Cut to yesterday and today.-
I have had the greatest last two days. I have made friends and traveled around the city a ton, and I learned that it actually is possible for me to get around the old part of town without help, as long as I take a specific route. The old town is absolutely gorgeous, and I am extremely happy I can go there, because I will definitely be frequenting it. My friend Keera and I went around and we got gelato and döner kebabs, which are amazing, and we went to a few different little stores. We also just sat a few times to admire the area and chat. The last two days proved to me that whatever happens this year, I can figure it out. Granted, my arms are hella sore, mostly from slowing myself down when going downhill, so I will probably be ripped when I get back to the US.
Overall, even though I had a rough start, I am finally learning that I really can do anything I put my mind to, and I am proud of myself for facing things that seem terrifying and impossible. I am looking forward to whatever happens this year, and I really hope that I can take the information I learn here and share it with other people. Hopefully, sharing my experiences will allow others to become more aware of the inaccessibility of the world, and hopefully it will inspire them to also help push for change. I also hope to inspire other wheelchair users to not be afraid to do something like this, and to go completely out of their comfort zone. But for now, I am going to just live it and try to write about it as best as I can. Until my next post! Tschüss!
Monday, April 30, 2018
Disabled. Powerful. Strong.
As I write this, there are tears streaming down my cheeks. I honestly do not know if I have ever been more upset in my life. Before I explain what happened, I am just going to say this- people who insult people with disabilities are the lowest life form.
I was sitting in the common room of my dorm building and I overheard this guy saying something about someone and saying that she was "crippled" (and he wasn't talking about me). I should mention that this guy and his best friend do not like one of my friends, and although I have done not one single rude thing to them, they have chosen to lump me with my friend and be rude to me. Previously they had just given me the silent treatment, but I had actually thought they were over it, because today his best friend was speaking to me like normal. I could not have been more wrong.
When he said the thing about some girl being "crippled" I turned around and said, "we don't use that term, please." I simply was trying to show him that "crippled" is generally viewed as a derogatory term (although there are some people trying to reclaim it and change the meaning, I'd say overall it has a more negative connotation). I was not being rude, simply trying to make him aware of his word choice. In any other situation I am positive that the person would have apologized or asked what word to use instead (the answer is "disabled," which has the most positive connotation).
The interesting thing is that I was not actually that offended by the word "crippled," I was just trying to give him a better word to use. However, after I corrected him, I was greeted with hostility. He clearly was very angry, because he shouted at me, "CRIPPLED, HANDICAPPED, WHATEVER. IT'S ALL THE SAME. HER LEGS DON'T FUCKING WORK."
I did not even know how to respond, so I just left the room before I started crying. Let me be honest, if I was a confrontational person, I probably would have decked him in the face. I am not the kind of person who wants to deck someone in the face, but man, did I want to. He said those words as a clear attack on me, and I had never before had someone insult me like that for being disabled.
Most of the time when people are being ableist, they do it by accident in the form of condescension. I think this is because there is a general consensus in society that people should not be dicks to people who had no choice about becoming disabled, because anyone, with any skin colour, sexual orientation, or gender can become disabled. Therefore I believe that most ableism is not on purpose. Today I learned that there are actually some people who do not give a single shit about other people's feelings (maybe I should have already known this, but I think I had some hope left for the world).
By this time, I have now stopped crying, but I want to point out that the reason I am writing this, is because no person who is disabled should ever have to experience the type of hatred that I have today. Ableism is NOT acceptable.
I am not just some woman who is "crippled, handicapped, whatever," whose "legs don't fucking work." I am a badass who has gone through more things than most people will in a lifetime. I am stronger than a weak-minded person who feels the need to make someone feel bad about being disabled. I am beautiful and I am smart and I am different, and my disability has made me a better person. I will not apologize for who I am, and if you do not accept me and my disability, then you might as well get out of my way so that I can surround myself with people who will.
I was sitting in the common room of my dorm building and I overheard this guy saying something about someone and saying that she was "crippled" (and he wasn't talking about me). I should mention that this guy and his best friend do not like one of my friends, and although I have done not one single rude thing to them, they have chosen to lump me with my friend and be rude to me. Previously they had just given me the silent treatment, but I had actually thought they were over it, because today his best friend was speaking to me like normal. I could not have been more wrong.
When he said the thing about some girl being "crippled" I turned around and said, "we don't use that term, please." I simply was trying to show him that "crippled" is generally viewed as a derogatory term (although there are some people trying to reclaim it and change the meaning, I'd say overall it has a more negative connotation). I was not being rude, simply trying to make him aware of his word choice. In any other situation I am positive that the person would have apologized or asked what word to use instead (the answer is "disabled," which has the most positive connotation).
The interesting thing is that I was not actually that offended by the word "crippled," I was just trying to give him a better word to use. However, after I corrected him, I was greeted with hostility. He clearly was very angry, because he shouted at me, "CRIPPLED, HANDICAPPED, WHATEVER. IT'S ALL THE SAME. HER LEGS DON'T FUCKING WORK."
I did not even know how to respond, so I just left the room before I started crying. Let me be honest, if I was a confrontational person, I probably would have decked him in the face. I am not the kind of person who wants to deck someone in the face, but man, did I want to. He said those words as a clear attack on me, and I had never before had someone insult me like that for being disabled.
Most of the time when people are being ableist, they do it by accident in the form of condescension. I think this is because there is a general consensus in society that people should not be dicks to people who had no choice about becoming disabled, because anyone, with any skin colour, sexual orientation, or gender can become disabled. Therefore I believe that most ableism is not on purpose. Today I learned that there are actually some people who do not give a single shit about other people's feelings (maybe I should have already known this, but I think I had some hope left for the world).
By this time, I have now stopped crying, but I want to point out that the reason I am writing this, is because no person who is disabled should ever have to experience the type of hatred that I have today. Ableism is NOT acceptable.
I am not just some woman who is "crippled, handicapped, whatever," whose "legs don't fucking work." I am a badass who has gone through more things than most people will in a lifetime. I am stronger than a weak-minded person who feels the need to make someone feel bad about being disabled. I am beautiful and I am smart and I am different, and my disability has made me a better person. I will not apologize for who I am, and if you do not accept me and my disability, then you might as well get out of my way so that I can surround myself with people who will.
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